The Beltway was shaken and stirred by the press release issued today by the Center for Public Integrity, which opened with "Based on our carefully designed research, we have concluded that the Republican National Committee controls the waxing and waning of the moon."
After studying fundraising records dating back to 1990, the CPI concluded that every period of a new moon, as well as every period of a full moon, coincided with periods in which the RNC raised money.
"The conclusion was inescapable." said the spokeperson, responding to inquiries.
However, the CPI could not confirm that the RNC also controlled the sunrise:
"While we have noted that the RNC receives checks almost daily, and the sun rises pretty much every day, the data does not allow us to conclude that they have bought control of the sunrise. Frankly, we will not be able to make that connection until donations are time-stamped to the nearest minute, which is something we have asked the Federal Election Commission to require."
Reached for comment, an RNC spokeman had only one word that we can print in this forum - "lunacy."
The report, titled "Correlation IS Causation", is available at their website.