I Save John Kerry's Non-Nominating Convention Scheme!

Oh, you Dems don't pay me enough for this kind of advice! John Kerry has been catching flak for his trial balloon campaign finance gimmick - the "To be or not to be" non-acceptance at what would become the Democratic non-convention scheduled for Boston in July. The idea also raises "Equal Time" questions, and creates concerns that the networks will not be inclined to cover a non-convention.

Problem solved! Since the event is conveniently scheduled for Massachusetts, Kerry should announce that, rather than accept the nomination, he will introduce John Edwards as his running mate, and then marry him.

I bet that will get plenty of media coverage. And I dare Bush to match it.

MORE: Hmm, a wedding... are the twins dating anyone? NO, not those twins, these twins.

UPDATE: The Boston Globe has somewhat more serious coverage, although we presume Kerry is kidding when he explains that the process by which Wilson was nominated is a relevant example.

Comments

[Crank]

Well, Edwards is rich enough.

[TM]

Good point! George Soros would be a great pick, but hs is disqualified for VP as a non-native.

[Mike]

I have this nagging suspicion that the whole 'delay the nomination' is a fail-safe mechanism to allow the Dems to replace Kerry at the last minute if he fails to build up a lead over President Bush in the polls - the Torricelli option.

Perhaps their lawyers have decided that the option wouldn't work if Kerry had formally accepted his party's nomination.

Is it possible?

[Pouncer]

What're we watching conventions for? To find out if Ross and Rachel will get married? To see if Inspector Girard will catch David Kimball or finally learn about the one-armed man? Will Dave marry Maddie, will Diane dump Sam, will Lois learn the truth about Clark? And -- WHO SHOT J.R.?

This isn't really "must-see TV", is it?

Now, if there were an open convention, Dean vs Kerry or something like, then it'd be more interesting.

And I think perhaps the notion that Kerry might somehow do something weird at the convention is being floated to attempt to raise expectations for that event. Turn it down? Nominate McCain for Veep? Lay a lip-lock on Hillary? I dunno. But doing something to drum up some interest in what promises to be an otherwise dull and unconvincing performance.

[TM]

Re: "Preserving the Torricelli Option" - I love it! Not that I think that is what is going on (this looks like an all-Kerry brainstorm), but this sort of speculation is sure to infuriate Kerry spinners.

[D]

While we're on the subject of the

Torricelli Option

Just remember; nature abhors a vacuum...

[GDubya]

Ooooooh, I love the idea!

John Francois has been running on Teresa's money, after all. One wonders what she would think about hubby dumping her for a political strumpet?

Will she put a lien on his hair?

Will she cry her heart out on national TV, to Oprah?

Will John have to be very, very careful when Teresa is near sharp objects?

The lawsuit possibilities boggle the mind!

.

[Michael]

This may seem off the wall but is a great what if.
What if John Kerry's breastless daughter got engaged to Jerry Springer and announced a wedding in the white house for Febuary. Then they asked Oprah to be "First Maid of Honor." I think the Oprah vote would take Kerry over the top.......Whatcha think?

[Brainster]

I commented over at Kerry Haters that the bumper sticker should be: Dated Dean, Got Engaged to Kerry, Now He Won't Set a Date! Howie, Please Call!

[j.pickens]

I've been posting on various sites since February that the Dems will pull a Torrecelli here. Hillary is going to be the Democrat nominee. Not sure about VP.