Clinton to Kerry - Enough With Vietnam, Already

Pretty sensible advice. But has the Kerry campaign cleared this with the Swiftees, who may just keep running ads anyway?

And wasn't ignoring the Swiftees the August mistake? Look, a full disclosure, answer-the-questions-and move-on press conference might be a mistake, too, but at least it would be a different mistake. But hey, maybe that lying John McCain will come to Kerry's rescue again.

If someone has some great advice for Kerry on this point, I'd like to hear it.

UPDATE: Enough with domestic issues, too - Let's talk Iraq:

Asked his timetable for pulling troops out of Iraq, Mr. Kerry told a few hundred people in Canonsburg, Pa.: "My goal would be to get them home in my first term. And I believe that can be done." He said he would make it clear that "we do not have long-term designs to maintain bases and troops in Iraq."

Mr. Kerry has said he could replace most, but not all, American troops with foreign forces within four years by offering new inducements to other countries.

Oh, boy. I wonder why the Times forgot to get some expert reaction to that proposition.

Comments

[J_Crater]

Drop the Vietnam blather, go with domestic and only the political side of Iraq, foreign affairs; leave the military alone. This is weak but I suggest, in regard to the Swift Vets, the Clintonesque "no comment as this is currently under investigation by the Navy department" stonewall.
Of course there is the Boorda V option.

[Antonious]

Being in the entertainment business, I believe Kerry's big problem is simply that he's too boring and negative to be an attractive candidate. In a nutshell, he isn't engaging enough during his speeches to capture the attention of the crowds and when he comes close to being engaging, the message he sends isnt comforting. In fact, if Kerry's version of America is accurate, we are in real dire straights.

I dont believe most people, whether they agree with the President or not, support the notion that the situation here is truly dire. This disconnect with his message has the effect of distancing people from Kerry. So, my advice?

SPEAK CLEARLY and AUTHORITATIVELY. Dont say that the US was misled into the Iraq war without giving out specific examples as to how. Use pithy slogans to further push this message (I have some ideas, but I certainly dont want to help the Kerry campaign). Delivering a CLEAR MESSAGE is all about, well, CLARITY.

After listening to a few of Kerry's recent speeches, including the embarrassing Midnight Madness speech, it is apparent that the SS Kerry has lost its moorings and is adrift in a sea of bland-speak.

[BumperStickerist]

Some advice for Kerry from a guy who's about 99% likely to vote for Bush, but

1) Know the little things. How many games the Red Sox are behind, the name of the field the Packers play on, those sorts of things.

2) Treat every populist meal like an episode of 'Fear Factor'. Order 'the usual' or say 'one of what that guy is having' ... you'll look like a gamer. Choke down a bite or two, hand the sandwich to an aide, and don't throw up.

3) Order Begala to grow a beard. A bearded Paul Begala helped get Clinton elected twice, a clean shaven Begala makes Tucker Carlson look tough.

4) Charter a cruise ship and hold a strategy session. Bring your top operatives, advice givers such as Susan Estrich, the Duncan Black crowd, and such, set out to sea. And then fly back on a helicopter with a scruffy Begala.

5) Your effectiveness as a leader will be determined by keeping Teresa out of sight. She may speak five languages, but she does not speak Soccer/Safety Mom. If I see her, I think "He can't get his family onboard with his campaign"

6) Stop with the Vietnam stuff. You're taking it way too personal. You talk about Cheney's deferments, I think about how he was Secretary of Defense and that Cheney probably put those deferments to good use.

7) Mention 9/11 in every attack ad on Bush. At least *recognize* that something happened that day. This current crop of ads that talk about how Bush didn't meet his promises fail to mention in anyway that 9/11 took place. It's the dog that didn't bark. At least say "Even accounting for the tragedy that September morning, George Bush is a lying pig eyed weasel" Then maybe I'll believe you.

8) You spent a semester in Vietnam in the sense of 'in Vietnam'. I'm not questioning your heroism, but, as a fellow vet, I can question your reliance on that semester in Vietnam.

9) Susan Estrich reminds us all too much of Carol Channing to be effective. Avoid her at all costs

10) Choose one position on each subject. Ride it out.

Good luck - though in full disclosure I've got Bush winning 310+ Electoral votes and getting 51% of the popular vote.

[Village Idiot]

I already have figured out Kerry's stunning comeback approach. It's devilishly simple. Basically, Kerry himself serves as a shining example of success for all of America to follow. Stop and imagine how wealthy if everyone in America married a billionaire like Kerry did. That's going to be his platform for America, and campaign advertising assault. EVERYONE SHOULD MARRY A BILLIONAIRE.

[David]

I'm of the opinion that Clinton's advice is the only advice that gives Kerry any hope. It's becoming increasingly obvious that Kerry can't give an "answer-the-questions-and move-on press conference" because he's got something in his past he doesn't want us to know. Even if it's relatively minor stuff, he has given it greater importance by his silence, and his patrician pride keeps him from coming clean. He may well have missed any opportunity of effective damage control even if he were to unburden himself now. Kerry has painted himself into a corner. Other than an outside event of devastating proportions, Kerry is effectively in check, largely due to his own efforts. Really, if it were any other electorate, in any other time, this man wouldn't even be in the ballpark. His only hope now is to pray the SwiftVets fade away quickly - removing any need for explanations of his service embellishments - hammer away on social and economic issues, and await the aforementioned "outside event".

On the other side the SwiftVets have Kerry by the throat. It's absolutley essential they not let go. It's also absolutely essential that the calls for Kerry to release his records continue in ever louder tones. There must be no let up now. Kerry the candidate thinks he can win election while keeping large parts of his service records, his medical records, and his wife's financial records (the only ones that count in Kerry's case), from the public and the press. The mainstream media seem perfectly content with this - it is to their everlasting shame. It falls to the rest of us to ensure that, should Senator Kerry win the presidency, we thoroughly know who it is we have elected.

[Bourbaki]

Kerry's sure fire winning strategy:

At the next major televised speaking engagement, "accidentally" shove Hillary off of the stage...headfirst. Hell, he'd probably get W's vote after that.

[Mufongo]

It might also be prudent to disassociate himself with Estrich's plastic surgeon.

[DaveP.]

Try to at least ACT like you're more interested in the future of this country than you are in the future of your political career. Try to at least ACT like you will be willing to place American needs and security over either foreign or Democratic party concerns

No-one will believe you anyway, given your track record so far... but the effort would be nice.

[Jay]

Maybe he could pose in a tank, or something ...

Jay

[JB]

He's the worst presidential candidate in more than two decades. Kerry needs just to mark time until November, when he can go back to being an indistinguished Senator.

JB
Commonwealth Conservative

[Grim]

He'd best have himself a once-and-for-all press conference, and apologize.

Apologize for Winter Soldier, for the 1971 testimony, for all those interviews he gave where he accused his friends and fellow veterans of murder and war crimes, apologize for Ted Kennedy's attacks on current soldiers in Iraq as 'returning Saddam's tyranny under US management,' apologize for his campaign's comment that Bush "betrayed his country by not serving in Vietnam" -- thereby slandering all Reserve and ARNG veterans -- apologize for letting Gore's comments pass that Bush "betrayed this country," apologize for questioning Bush's patriotism and apologize for taking so damn long to apologize.

Then maybe we can move forward. Until then, the knives are out.

[Phil]

1. Release your records - military and health.

2. Give me a reason to vote FOR you, not against the other guy.

3. Be specific in your charges. Don't say "Bush Lied." Say "Bush told us so and so and he knew it wasn't true." (BTW, you lied also if you count the WMD argument as a lie, so be prepared to take as well as you give on that argument)

4. Grow a thicker skin. This is politics, not ballet.

5. Tell us why the B1, F15, and all the other weapons systems you opposed (are are being used to great effect now) were bad ideas.

6. You have touted your ability to get our allies behind us. Give us specifics please.

7. Don't go "Nixon" on us and tell us you have a secret plan for Iraq. Give us some details.

[Dean]

While I think there was a time and place for an apology, at this point, even a full-blown, full-court apology for Winter Soldier and his 1971 testimony will be viewed/received as sheer politics. And a fake apology will be at least as bad, both to vets and the broader audience, as no apology at all.

(Odd, though, that the one thing he's consistent on is the absence of a need to apologize.)

[Oscar]

I am reminded of an old advice column in Mad magazine: the advice for one poor soul was detailed instructions on how to tie a hangman's knot.

[JM Hanes]

Don't give up your day job.

[Jim Glass]

"Of course there is the Boorda V option."

Ooooh ... snarky plus!

[Bruce]

His wife is billionaire. Why not just buy off the media? Get them to write stories about Bush supporters booing news about Bill Clintons heart problems. Get them to claim Arnold couldn't have seen Soviet tanks in Austria because he lived in the Britsih Zone and Soviet where at least a 2 hour drive away ... and no one drove 2 hours in the 1950's.

And ... oh, who am I kidding. Even a bought off media isn't going to help him.

[The Comedian]

Resign his senate seat.

The Democrats are fielding a candidate who doesn't even believe in his own chance of winning enough to quit his day job.

[Denis Hill]

Become a Republican.

If not, then at least say some positive things about Bush. Surely Bush doesn't do everything wrong. The American people know this.

[MWB]

Dear "Senator Kerry",

Now is the time to peel off the latex mask, reveal that you are actually Ronald Reagan (and all that Alzheimer's, death and funeral stuff was faked) and run to Bush's right. Then, and only then, you might be able to pull out this election in a squeaker...

[Greg F]

Be seen with Al Gore in the same room so we know for sure...

[Sasquatch]

George H. W. Bush (41) spent his Presidency burnishing his resume for his next job. He never seemed to realize that the Presidency was his LAST job. John Kerry behaves as though he believes the citizenry OWES him the honor of the Presidency. His Senatorial record does not indicate he will actually do any work while basking in his own reflection.

Kerry has already conceded several points to the Swifties. Don't drag it out, concede their points and cite youthful exuberence. And vow to never again say Viet Nam. And make a plausible apology to all veterans, especially for your accusations that "everyone was doing it" in the atocities department.

Quit flailing away at functionaries. You look really silly questioning Karl Rove's military service. Aren't you running against George W. Bush? And didn't Enron happen on Bill Clinton's watch? Halliburton is a Michael Moore Moonbat issue. Who else could do the job, Sally's Services?

Quit making unverifiable allegations about speaking to "foreign lesders" or "wounded soldiers" if you can't provide the specific instances. You or the Bloggers will eventually wake up the print and video media if you keep this up, and they might actually start to investigate. You won't like that at all.

If you have "a plan", spell it out.

If you have a principle, define it and stick with it. "Nuance" and "Flip-Flop" are interchangeable.

Treat the "little People" like people. Cutting to the head of the line, ridiculing Secret Service agents who "made you fall", and pretending to eat at Wendy's reinforce the image you really are a pompous twit full of sound and fury signifying nothing. Try acting like an adult.

Continuing to change the staff won't much matter when thr Candidate is transparent fluff.

[Foobarista]

The Switcheroo: drop out and get Lieberman to run.

[Patrick R. Sullivan]

"Susan Estrich reminds us all too much of Carol Channing"

I wish I'd thought of that.

[Jennjis K.]

There is real hope for Kerry, he now has a chance to embrace the underdog role...show the country he can handle adversity...show the country he's a leader and a fighter...but he would have to come out of hiding and change his whole campaign style. One idea I have is for Kerry to offer to debate his attackers. Can you imagine the ratings of a Zell Miller vs. Kerry debate? If Kerry has the courage and bravery to debate Zell and others I would gain some new found respect for the man. Zell talked about duelling with Chrissy Mathews. Kerry should reference that and offer to duel Zell in a debate.

[Robert Schwartz]

Don't quit the day job.

[JeanneB]

Here's an idea:

Make fun of Dubya's name! You know. like "W stands for....". You could way it stands for "wrong", but darnit the W is silent so it sounds like it start with R.

Oh, what the hey, use it anyway!

[Joel Mackey]

Man this is soo pathetic. The problem with Kerry is that his only core values that i can ascertain is that he believes in a multi-lateral US who only takes military action with the ok of old europe, unless directly attacked with more attacks to follow imminently (ie a clear and present danger from a clear and present source), but of course he doesnt want to fund intelligence such that they can determine a clear and present source, thats what our allies are for.

He believes that social programs take preeminence over defense spending.

Other than that he pretty much swings with what his interest groups desire.

It isnt that his demeanor or enunciation is lacking, it is THE SUBSTANCE OF WHAT HE SAYS AND HIS ACTIONS TO SUPPORT THOSE STATEMENTS, Not how he says it.

At this point his best option for salvaging his legacy is to graciously conceed the election in such a way as to unify the country in its' mission in Iraq and whereever else we need to go to eliminate the spawning grounds of Islamo-fascism.

[JeanneB]

By the way, I'm 7. My friends and I came up with this great idea at our sleep-over. We hope you use it!

[thp]

Kerry is THE douche bag- the guy who WANTED to be student senate president and that everyone hated. He is a bad joke. How he was elected (and re-elected) even in MA is a testament to herd mentality. He makes Clinton look good. A thinner Kennedy.

[Zach]

Find some biographical issues. In 2000, Bush ran as a "compassionate conservative" -- meaning he wouldn't end the welfare state, a la Gingrich, but would rather seek to impose conservative reforms. This year, he's the stalwart leader of the war on terror. I call them biographical issues, because they give you some sense of Bush the man -- what his priorities are, what's negotiable, what's not.

In contrast, I never get the sense that Kerry is fully behind any policy he advocates. He's running as a prowar candidate with an antiwar base and inconsistent votes, and uses rhetoric that we were "misled" into Iraq. Some of that muddle obviously has to be more important than the rest, but I can't for the life of me figure out what it is.

Surely a 20 year Senator had at least a couple of priorities. A strong environmental record, maybe? Tell us what he was trying to do all those years, and say that as President, there'll be more of the same.

[Xrlq]

Fire at least two staffers, namely (1) the one who wrote your Thursday night speech, and (2) the one who thought it would be a good idea to give one. If either of those individuals is John F. Kerry, then yes, it does mean dropping out of the race and giving your party the Torricelli option.

[jim jones]

also fire the person who came up with the liar's list mentioning your biggest supporter as a liar (McCain).

Since the list appears to have dissappeared then that may have already happened.

[ed]

Hmmm.

Zell would kick Kerry's hind end from Georgia to Alaska. Zell has way too much fire in his belly for Kerry to deal with.

Frankly the only thing that'll save Kerry is to out-Bush Bush. Kerry can do this because his real base, the leftists, don't care what he says. They all correctly assume that, no matter what Kerry says to get elected, he'll toe their line.

Kerry could do all this by the leverage of his Catholic faith. Kerry sits down with bishop or cardinal and "discusses" his various sins, problems and their resolution. Put all this under the label of the Confessional and nobody can even dispute that anything else happened.

So Kerry can now completely reverse himself on all points. He can become more of an attack-dog, but with "restraint" (remember that word). Kerry can vow to hunt down terrorists whereever they are but that taking on nations requires more restraint. Diplomacy can save lives on all sides.

Kerry can be against gun control per se, but in favor of tighter restrictions on who can buy those guns with longer waiting periods and whatnot. After all if you're buying a rifle for hunting, you can do that a few months in advance.

Kerry can be in favor of exiting Iraq when the job is finished. Then again Iraq is a soverign state and will hold it's elections in Jan 2005. So Kerry can legitimately exit Iraq in the first part of 2005. The key is to add "unless the soverign government of Iraq requests us to stay". Then make absolutely clear that if said government did such a foolish thing, there would be hell to pay. Then throw in the prospect of continuing economic and military aid.

Kerry can be against abortion, due to his Confessional, and advocate a national referendum on the subject. Since there's no federal referendum process, the debate over this ALONE would take the better part of a decade. Meantime Kerry can be against abortion and still not do anything about it.

Kerry could apologise for his statements in 1971. Attribute it to the sin of pride (etc etc etc) and that he is now reformed from his Confessional. He has made serious mistakes and will own up to it. Any problems with his medals he'll simply admit that Vietnam was a tough gig and that he wanted out as soon as he could. People tend to like reformed individuals and thsi would allow him to show his weepy side. But he could also add that he stuck it through and fought. He joined up to make a difference and then he left because he felt he had a greater calling to show the world the evils of the Vietnam War.

He never intended to hurt anyone. But he was a naive callow young man who had never before experienced the perfidy and lies that some people would be willing to spout. All those horrendous things that were said at the investigation, he believed. He believed until he was shown the truth.

And now he is abjectly sorry.

...

I think everyone can see where this goes.

ugh. now I've go to wash my hands. ick.

[Laurie K.]

He could try to act as if he enjoys what he's doing, instead of turning every appearance into listless, finger-wagging drudgery. I won't be voting for the guy because I don't like his policies and ideas, such as they are, but I'm certainly capable of appreciating a good candidate, whether I support them or not. What makes him an appallingly weak candidate to me is that he seems to hate what he's doing, have zero communication skills, and rather limited social skills. Part of being able to lead is to reach people and motivate them in some fashion. Kerry not only cannot do this for others, he can't even seem to motivate himeself.

[Robert]

"also fire the person who came up with the liar's list mentioning your biggest supporter as a liar (McCain).

Since the list appears to have dissappeared then that may have already happened."

Well, actually it disappeared before it came back; then disappeared again... And accoring to http://www.mudvillegazette.com/archives/001317.html its been and gone many times. It currently is gone, but I wouldn't bet any money against it coming back (at least before it disappears again).

[Ian B]

Drop vietnam, it's no longer a winner for you. The real problem for you with the medals issues is that most people will just say "hey, it was 10000 mi away and 30 years ago, during a war, who the hell knows what really happened". You really don't want the winter soldier can of worms opened.

Come out with your own vision, forget bush, and sell the hell out of it.

One of your problems right now is that you are REacting. THose who react, don't have the inititiative.

Try to have fun. One thing that strikes me about Bush is that he looks like he is genuinely having a ball meeting with folks out there. You look like it is a chore - taking time off to windsurf in colored spandex only underscores it. You get the difference? Campaigning energizes Bush, you have to re-charge your batteries.

Get a disciplined core group of people you really really trust. People who can tell you stuff you don't want to hear. One of Bush's greatest strengths is that he has such a group.People like Karl Rove are an immense asset - he's very smart, extremely disciplined and completely loyal.

You have to realize that many people will judge you executive abilities from the way you run your campaign. A lot of it has to do with finding the right people, motivating them and sticking with them. Campaign shakeups look bad.

[Stephen M. St. Onge]

    OK, Senator, here's what you need to do:

    1)Hire two hit teams.

    2)Have one attack the President during the debates.  Have the other simultaneously whack the Vice-President.

    3)Leap forward to protect the President from the attackers.  Fail.  Get wounded, but not too badly.

    4)Afterwards, vow to spend your time as President hunting down terrorists wherever they are, regardless of what any other nation thinks.  Claim that the attack that killed President Bush showed you your previous policy was wrong.

[donnab]

He might disengage himself from himself long enough to see that the world doesnt revolve around him. Am I the only one that thinks its crass to call a man before a life and death operation and talk about how to mend his campaign? Why didnt John Kerry tell Clinton that he would talk to him once he got better and that the only thing Clinton should be worried about was his health right then and hang up. Oh wait thats right....Clintons health isnt as important as the health of John Kerrys campaign.

[Gary B.]

Kerry didn't quit his day job. He's still the senator from Mass. and factcheck.org explains how Kerry is still advancing his own personal political ambitions at the expense of his fellow constituents and the voting blocks that he promised to help. Kerry is the scum of a cesspool. But don't take my word for it, look for yourself.

http://www.factcheck.org/article.aspx?docID=239

[ParseThis]

I think he should judo flip this as a springboard for an all-out assault.

1. George Bush's National Guard service had exaggerated official bios that "do not reflect the facts", has missing documentation, and Bush has apparently lied about how he leap-frogged 1000 other applicants. Downplay the volunteering and deferment issue. The medals issue is an indictment the US military itself. Recall the 58,000 he could just as easily had joined. Say, "Those who don't fight for America can still support America's wars." Leave it at that and call it a draw.

2. On war crimes Kerry has history on his side. Acknowledge that "on a day-to-day basis with the full awareness of officers at all levels of command" was too extreme then talk about the routine use of indiscriminate firepower. Talk about saturation bombing, the free-fire zones, the destruction of villages, the kill-or-be-killed survival instinct, and the depreciated humanity of the gooks, slopes and slants. Say that in many cases, "We were no longer fighting against Communism; we were at war with the Vietnamese people." Say that the anger some people feel is similar to the anger of the people who would contemplate the assassination of Sgt. Darby for exposing the Abu Ghraib abuses. Praise Sgt. Darby for forcing corrective action. Say, "We want to bring freedom and democracy to Iraq. We don't want to be at war with the Iraqi people."

3. Say that we went to war in Vietnam without a clear plan or an understanding of the conflict. We had a fundamental ignorance of the country, its history and culture. The leadership of this country failed to provide a cohesive explanation to the public and purposefully distorted the reality of our involvement. Say that while 9/11 has changed the world, the past still offers valuable lessons.

4. As the GOP convention has demonstrated, Bush is not a 9/12 President, he's a 9/11 President. The situation with Iraq was untenable: the ceasefire, the no-fly zones, the troops in Saudi Arabia, the economic sanctions. Bush was right about Saddam but for the wrong reasons. Bush had an idea about Iraq, an idea hatched in a 9/10 world. Hamstrung by his resoluteness, Bush failed to leverage 9/11 to promote moderate Islamic voices and instead elicited negative reactions. He failed to use all his diplomatic tools because he didn't think he needed them. But he did leverage 9/11 to sell a war he had already decided upon. Ask Bush, "Knowing what you know now, how would you explain to America the urgency of war against Iraq while Osama bin Laden was still on the loose?"

5. Bush blundered. Bush blundered into Iraq because he had his mind set and a plan handy. It would be nice if things had gone differently, but Bush's singlemindedness and disregard for objective analysis systematically eliminated alternatives, made other options infeasible and sent the country down the path of a self-fulfulling fait accompli. As I've said, the problem of Saddam had to be dealt with sometime, and at some point you have to have faith in the President and trust that he knows what he is doing. But Bush blundered again. He had no plan for winning the peace, he relied on Iraqi exile flim-flam men, military professionals were discredited and all cautionary recommedations were ignored to promote the dream of the few who would tell him what he wanted to hear. Bush's incurious and insular tendencies, his lack of evenhandedness and his disdain for dissenting opinions has ultimately been a disservice to the country.

6. Get in an extra kick. "Some people are starting to wonder if the decision making demonstrated by the Bush administration has been influenced both from within the government and from outside organizations of dual loyalties. I don't think that's tue. But I can assure you that under a Kerry administration, there will be no doubt that the interests I serve will be the interests of the American people first and only."

I don't think he should just ignore the guns of August. He should address it, give it a bigger picture perspective in contrast to trivialities. Do it once then move on.

[The Elephant]

Kerry Should
1. Find a veterans group that he hasn't spoken to yet and deliver a heartfelt apology for his harmful words three decades ago. The Swift Vets will be made to look petty by the MSM for continuing to pile on.
2. Not visit any of his 5 mansions or go out on the water except to fish for the rest of the campaign. Why reinforce the fact that he's filthy rich and plays relatively exotic sports?
3. Find a softball field and play with some regular guys and gals. Find a bowling alley and go bowling. Work the parking lot at a NASCAR event or a big College football game. Michigan v. Iowa perhaps? Be a regular guy.
4. Return to Congress and introduce a bill that will make the middle class tax cuts permanent to show that you really don't want to raise their taxes. Have John Edwards stay there for a day or two to "push" the idea as bipartisanship.
5. Come out and say that in light of recent Court decisions he now thinks that DOMA is a good idea, but an amendment would go to far. He'll still get the gay vote because they know he's not serious, but it might cloud the issue for less informed voters.
6. Be specific about how you would have "done" Iraq almost completely differently. Monday Morning Quarterbacking is well-accepted by Americans as long as the critiques are specific and credible. "Green had 150 yds. rushing, man, they should have given him the ball off the left tackle on that third and two instead of running the slant pattern." Saying I'd have gotten France and Germany on board really doesn't do it.
7. Stop bashing the countries in the coalition. Say it could have been bigger, not that it is a farce. People are incredulous of Kerry's ability to achieve diplomatic success when he alienates other nations unnecessarily by denigrating their commitment. Remember the parable about the poor old lady who gave of her necessity not her surplus, Christians do.
8. Take advice from Moby and fill pro-life chatrooms and websites with commentary from "pro-lifers" who are not voting for Bush because he supported Specter over Toomey. (Oh yeah, he's already doing this.)
9. Wear something other than a blue shirt, Khakis and a blue blazer on the stump, especially when your running mate or a co-speaker is wearing the exact same thing.
10. Stop in and get a haircut at a real barbershop in a toss-up region of a swing state. Tip really well.
11. Sit down with friendly national reporters or locals for detailed interviews on highly specific topics. Show off his knowledge of the nuts and bolts of his "plans" for America and the logic behind them. Wow them with your wonkery so they can say "he's boring on the stump, but he knows his stuff."
12. Be on time for all your events and know the local flavor.
13. Stop talking down the economy. Instead he should say that we've been hit by a lot of things beyond the President's control, but his policies won't make things as good as yours will.
14. Make television ads where people talk about why they are excited about voting for Kerry. His health plan his tax plan etc. Just show that they "Can't wait to vote for Kerry." At least give the illusion that people can get excited about the Kerry campaign.
15. Invent a time machine so he can go back and vote for the 87 Billion both times and perhaps throw in a little extra on his own for intelligence reorganization.

[cwpnewpaltz]

Actually, as a Naval Officer '65-'69, I've had such deep loathing of Kerry for 33 years (since April 22, 1971, the day of his Senate testimony) that I'm in no mood to offer him advice. Though I was never on a Swift Boat or even in Vietnam (I was sent to Inchon after the USS Pueblo was seized) I really believe his fundamental conceptual framework for life is that the US military are all war criminals, and he is unwilling to project military power except in the shadow of burning American rubble. In this, he agrees with 95% of all Democrats. He should stop pretending. It's pretty clear he'll never get Republicans to vote for him and should do what he can to energize his base.

How? Easy! He should stop finding nuanced positions about Iraq and just say, "My true feelings on the use of military power were reflected in my vote against Gulf War I. I am ashamed that I voted for the Iraqi War out of political expediency. It was a mistake to give Bush, an illegitimate, rogue President, the authority to make a show of force. It should have been obvious to me that he is an imbecile who would abuse that authority and make a mess of the post-war phase. I intend to get all our troops home within six months of my election."

The left will be screaming his name, Nader will die on the vine, and all Democrats will vote for him. Don't know if that's enough, but it's his only chance.

[Tom]

My advice to Senator Kerry:

1. Go to Cape Cod.

2. Upon arriving at the Sagamore or Bourne Bridge, get out of the car and jump from the highest point of the bridge into the Cape Cod Canal.

3. Drown.

[thirdfinger]

The only advice I would give the good senator is to be like the Village Magician in an old rugby song we sang. You should amaze us all with your trick of pulling your foreskin over your head and vanishing up your prick.

[RebeccaH]

Stop talking about Vietnam. Bringing it up at all was like the cat dragging in a desiccated bird corpse as a gift for Mommy.

Stop talking to the g*******d French like they're our friends and we need their help! Who cares about them?

Just stop talking. It's too late to save this disaster anyway.

[JorgXMcKie]

It's actually very easy. Just SHUT THE EFF UP ALREADY. Go into seclusion for the next two months. Insist that Bush has made such a botch of things that anyone is preferrable. (Oops. Except for the shutting up part, that's what he already did.)

[Frank]

Advice for Senator Kerry:

A. Resign your Senate seat immediately. The presidency is no place for someone who isn't 100+ percent sure they're the best person for the job (or at least better than their opponent). Holding onto your seat screams "something to fall back on". If you're that cautious and unsure about winning, expect a majority to be equally cautious about supporting you.

B. Get Dick Cavett out of mothballs, O'Neill on the phone, and book the show. That's what people on both sides are deep-down screaming for and that's the only chance you have of putting your anti-war activities behind you. The perception you have to overcome is a simple one: If you're too frightened to face an adversary like O'Neill, how in God's name are the American people going to trust you to deal with Kim Jong Il, Khatami or Hezbollah.

C. If you insist on demonstrating what a avid recreational sportsman you are, just for once, allow yourself to be filmed playing a team sport instead of Solitary-John-Against-The-Wind-Sea-Road-Slopes-Whatever.
This president is comfortable delegating to people around him and quick to praise and support them - in short, he's a team player and the perception of you is you are not. You're the guy who waxes eloquently about windsurfing but isn't sure who manages the Red Sox. It's sad to say but sometimes "Be yourself" just isn't enough. We're not comfortable electing a loner as president. We don't expect any president to know everything, but we expect them to be willing and able to seek advice from others.

D. Call off your attack dogs. Once Bush has established a real lead in the polls, understand that any and every attack against him at this point is going to be hung around your neck as a sign of desperation. Unless you can show he did something grossly illegal or immoral while he's been in office (and Iraq isn't it, so get over it), take a cue from Edwards and keep it sunny and optimistic. If you really think Bush's vision is inadequate, show us a better one or see item A. above.

E. Answer the debate questions. There was an unnerving trend during the primary debates by all the candidates to disregard the question being asked and use response time to follow up on previous questions or just say something completely unrelated. Because everyone's message was essentially "We all hate Bush", it didn't matter much. It does now. You can talk rhetorical rings around the president, but he can pop your balloon with a simple line that people will get. Keep it straight and as "un-nuanced" as you can muster.

F. Steer clear of celebrities and entertainers, musical or otherwise. This is serious business. If you don't think those pictures from Russia sent a shiver through the heart of every parent in America, you've got even more of a tin ear than your out-of-tune bass playing on that album demonstrated. You may not be able to win on national security, but you must show you understand who the enemy is and are not afraid to name them.

[Flough Byrd]

A pox on you.

[webmaster]

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