Meanwhile, I think we should require every employer to buy every employee a gun. Otherwise, you’re being denied the right to bear arms.
Hmm, the gun-workplace connection is tenuous at best. Postal employees may need a gun for self-defense, and I'm sure we can agree that packing a Glock would represent an uptick in customer service in many venues. How many times have you muttered "Just shoot me" to some befuddled clerk? Under the Reynolds Act you could add "Go ahead and shoot. You'd be doing me a favor" and die content. Well, assuming you do credible impressions.
However! Guns are expensive and I am sure some lib somewhere will get all wee-wee'd up about the notion of an armed citizenry. That's why this is the time to reintroduce my Wake Up And Smell The (Free!) Coffee Act of 2012. That's right! At JustOneMinute the Department of Good Ideas never sleeps (which may be the problem).
Since individual liberty and property rights are no longer an issue under Obamacare, here is a Big Idea - many studies document that caffeine enhances mood, cognition, and physical performance. And what employer doesn't want happy, alert, energetic employees?
So, the Wake Up And Smell The (Free!) Coffee Act of 2012 will require every employee to provide either a free coffee station (Keurig is fine!) for each twenty employees, or hand out vouchers for the local delis and Starbucks. I have no doubt that our well-intentioned liberal friends in academia can gin up studies demonstrating that the enhanced employee energy will make this a self-financing effort, which is to say, FREE!. Don't call it a Laffer Curve because there is nothing to laugh about - call it a Gulper Curve. Other than Mormons, there should be no religious objections, and what libs care about Mormons? And clearly, we are talking about real money for the employees - by way of comparison, let's flash back to a Gutmacher Institute study on the financial obstacles to contraception:
Methods of contraception vary not only in their effectiveness, but also in their costs and the timing of those costs. Condoms are relatively inexpensive on an individual basis, but 50 cents or a dollar per use can add up to substantial amounts of money over a year, much less the 30 years that the typical woman spends trying to avoid pregnancy. Brand-name versions of the pill, patch or ring can cost upwards of $60 per month if paid for entirely out-of-pocket, although generic oral contraceptives can cost considerably less; these methods also require periodic visits to a health care provider, at additional cost.
$60 per month or less for pills? $1 per day for condoms? Has anyone a priced a cup of coffee lately? I never get out for less than a buck fifty, which runs to maybe $30/month right there, and I am not even talking about the crumb cake or the mid-afternoon pick-me-up. Poor women (and men!) who lack mental acuity and physical energy because they haven't had their daily Joe need this program. As do their employers.
What do we want? A mocha latte! When do we want it? NOW!
There is an umnet need here. If only we had a community organizer-in-chief in the White House.