There is nothing so powerful as an idea whose time has come! The WSJ has gotten behind my Wake Up And Smell The (Free!) Coffee Act of 2012, which mandates employers to provide free coffee to the underlings in order to boost health, morale and productivity. And lest you quibble that most employers already do so, well, that demonstrates that it is a great, cost effective idea and legislation is needed to bring the few remaining holdouts and dead-enders into line.
From the Journal, and I am using the word "Swiftian":
Coffee Is an Essential Benefit Too
Here are some other health-care mandates that government should impose on employers.
Dear President Obama,
Can you believe the nerve of employers? Many of them still seem to think that they should be allowed to determine the benefits they offer. I guess they haven't read your 2,000-page health law. It's the government's job now.
That's a good thing, too. Employers for too long have been able to restrict our access to essential health services like contraception by making us pay some of the bill. Really, it's amazing that we aren't all dead. Now, thanks to you, we'll enjoy free and universal access to preventative care just like workers do in Cuba. Even so, there are still many essential benefits that the government must mandate to make the U.S. the freest country in the world.
...Coffee. Studies show that coffee can ward off depression, Alzheimer's disease, type 2 diabetes and sleepiness—which makes it one of the most powerful preventive treatments. Workers who drink java are also more productive and pleasant. While many offices have coffee makers, some employers—most notably those affiliated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—continue to deny workers this essential benefit. All employers should have to provide workers with freshly brewed coffee. Oh, and workers must also be able to choose the kind of coffee regardless of the price.
Republicans might argue that requiring Mormon charities to serve coffee is a violation of "religious liberty" since the Mormon church's doctrine proscribes coffee, but this argument is a red herring. Leading medical experts recommend drinking coffee. Moreover, 99% of adults have drunk coffee at one point in their lives (including most Mormons).
Make mine a half-caf cinnamon mocha latte.
MY SECRET FEAR: Dems are always on the prowl for possibly-popular middle class entitlements which they can mandate and then defend against skinflint Republicans. Will they realize this proposed legislation is not 100% serious? I'll really grind the gears if I have to shut up and oppose Wake Up.
AS I PREPARE FOR MY CLOSE UP: "Tom" and "Swift" are better than good together, he said gratingly.