"Zoop" And They're Gone

I don't think we need a script or a rehearsal, people - we all know our parts. Let's have the "he was kidding crowd" to our left, please, the "earnest but humorless" group to the right, and our topic is Sen. Kerry's recent quip to a group of 4 and 5 year olds:

Mr. Kerry obliged, but still seemed to have politics on the brain as he narrated the story of the magic wand — "Zoop!" — making things disappear.

"I could go zoop! and Republicans would disappear," he said.

Now, the crowd on the left has it easy - just keep yelling "he was kidding". "Don't we have more important issues to discuss" is also good. Counter-examples of bad Bush behavior are encouraged; lacking that, we are glumly aware of a certain tendency to drift towards personal invective as a substitute for actual argument, and we hope that can be minimized.

The group on the right - be sure to mention press bias. The Note admitted that Sen. Clinton got a pass on her Gandhi joke a while back, so see if anyone makes a similar admission here. Also, we expect you to hit on the probable response if Bush had said this - don't forget Ashcroft, the Patriot Act, stifling of dissent, the importance of our leaders promoting pluralism, etc. Let's see some emotion!

If the group on the right has any concerned educators amongst them, they might cluck knowingly about how young minds cannot process this sort of inappropriate humor. And if anyone wants to wonder whether Kerry might have picked a more generally acknowledged "bad thing" to "zoop", like pollution, well, this is a good time for it.

For a big finish, someone please make a connection to Kerry's "lying, crooked Republicans" comment, and address the question of whether Kerry really wants to be President of all the country, or just half of it.

I would be proud to take my place amongst the humorless mob on the right, but I will be away all weekend. But let me be clear - I am so glad it was your guy that said this and not mine.

Places... and go!

Comments

[Paul Zrimsek]

It never even would have occurred to me to doubt that Kerry was kidding. But then it never occurred to me to doubt that Reagan was kidding about outlawing Russia forever and bombing in 10 minutes, so what do I know?

[WillieStyle]

He wasn't joking. He was prophesizing. Soon our dastardly research - at Harvard and other biased institutions - will be complete and all Reactionary Fundamentalist Bourgeois oppressors of the Proletariat shall "disappeared". The revolution is coming and we won't even need a wall to put you all up against. All we shall need on that glorious day are the ephemeral words of our glorious comrade: "Zoop" or perhaps "Ziggly".

The only thing that can stop our glorious plan is for the propagandists of the Bourgeois establishment to broadcast this plan to the masses. So please National Review, MinuteMan and The New Republic, do not paste on your front pages in huge letters, "KERRY'S PLAN: SAY "ZOOP", REPUBS DISAPPAEAR. ASHCROFT VOWS TO FOIL PLOT WITH POWER OF JESUS." That would surely lose us our opportunity to bring atheism and gayness to America's youth.

[Jesus H Ascroft]

WOE UNTO THEE, OH IRAQ! Now that I am no longer interested in closing medicinal marijuana clinics and making sure that the people in Oregon can not have the option to die with dignity, now that I am finished trying to get those files on women who had abortions, and now that I got that filthy, pornographic statues’ dirty pillows covered, I can concentrate on the fornicators of blasphemy, the muslum bastards of untruth and breeders of calico cats, which are a sign of the devil. OH PRAISE JESUS H. ASHCROFT!

[TM]

Willie, I can deal with "zoop". I may even stand up to "ziggly". But you'll put me on the run with "Gigli".

[Pat Curley]

I did some poking around Amazon after hearing that this book was written by Pete Seeger. Believe it or not, apparently the book ran into some controversy over the Zooping the giant away. Aren't we supposed to be tolerant of giants? So Seeger wrote a sequel in which they learn to get along with him.

I also loved Hillary's back-seat driving--"Show the pictures, John, he can't see it, John."

[Syl]

While Kerry Zoops the Republicans, the Republicans are Zooping Osama!

[Just John]

While Hillary might've gotten a pass from most news agencies, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" had several skits where Gandhi would run onto the stage and crack some rude jokes about Hillary, then say, "OH SNAP!" and run off again.

In an incredible coincidence, the word "ZOOP!" can be mitigated or even cancelled out by Howard Dean yelling "YEAGH!" Clearly the Kerry campaign intended to delete Dean from this mortal coil, but by shouting when he did, Dean preserved his own existence, though not his campaign.

[ed]

Ahhhh! Don't say that word!!

- Knights that say Ni!

[Flakbait]

Oh, come on, you ignorant cretins. It won't go "Zoop." Scientific progress always, always goes "Boink."

[martin tobias]

The truly pathetic thing is to see a stiff upper lip limo liberal who lets his wife wear the pants try to be funny with the kids. He also recently tried to joke with college students about living on beer and pizza, but fell flat. This guy is stiffer than Gore!

[bushgirlsgonewild]

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid." -- Richard Braunstein

I guess he never met Dubya.

[OsamasLatestSoundsLikeDemocrats]

Heh. I think we have a 'winner'. bggw just went straight to the Bush-bashing without even pausing to say something funny about Zoop. Rude, rude, rude.

[Another Thought]

Kerry has no sense of humor whatsoever. Kerry is the ultimate cure for insomnia.

Whatever Kerry says just lands with a giant thud.

Kerry is one big loser.

[bkw]

It never even would have occurred to me to doubt that Kerry was kidding. But then it never occurred to me to doubt that Reagan was kidding about outlawing Russia forever and bombing in 10 minutes, so what do I know?

Yes, because joking about destroying the evil empire that is opposed to the United States is just the same as joking about vanishing half of his countrymen.

Silly of people to think poorly of Kerry for this, surely.

And don't call me Shirley.

[ac]

"...and address the question of whether Kerry really wants to be President of all the country, or just half of it."

Hmmm, kinda like how Dubya only represents half (or a little less) of the country?

[bushgirlsgonewild]

OsamasLatestSoundsLikeDemocrats: OK, OK, here's something funny...I think...

ZOOP! ZOOP! Come November, Americans will have a magic wand (voting machine) they can use to make the evil giant Abiyoyo (Bush) disappear.

ANOTHER THOUGHT: You are extremely clever and persuasive. 'ZOOP' is an onomatopoeia. So is 'thud'. So is Duyba. Many words that children use are too. Hmmm, just a another thought.

ZOOP! ZOOP! Are you still there?

[Vietnam War Hero John F'n Kerry]

<ZOOP!>

Hey, where did my high poll numbers go?

[Also John Kerry (Vietnam Vet!)]

POOZ! I made the giant appear before I made it disappear. ZOOP!

[GloriousDubyaAndHisAmazingTie]

Hey, where did my $40 million in advertising go?

Hey, where did my pledge to be a uniter, not a divider go?

Hey, where did MY high poll numbers go?

[WillieStyle]

Gigli! Ooh that's good.
Some of you reactionary bourgois have your uses after all. I might put in a good word for you Tom if you promise to go Vegan.

[I'mSoF'nNuancedIMayAsWellBeEuropean]

I predict the more down-to-earth candidate will win 40 states in November...

[Fat Cracker]

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid." -- Richard Braunstein

I've been a successful restaurant/bar manager for several years now and any bartender that can't tell the difference between drunk and stupid are themselves too stoopid to make them or the company any money. They are also denegrating the people who ultimately pay their salaries. Ungrateful bastard. I'd have to Zoop! him. Business is business ya' know.

[BackAtYa]

"Where did my pledge to be a uniter" go?

Lessee, was it under the Prescription Drugs, the Protectionism for Unions, the Democrat-spending or did I leave it under the fact that I don't malign Democrats like KerryDeanHillaryKennedyandCo malign Republicans.

Since we can't seem to find that, I suppose we should look for it with your honesty, eh GloriousDubyaAndHisAmazingTie? But, seeing as you probably never gave him a chance and that it's dubious that you question your own beliefs (and therefore cannot possibly unite with the other side of the aisle), you open-minded lefty, you, that may be an even greater task.

Down-to-earth guy by Dukakis-like numbers.

[WillieStyle]

Down-to-earth guy by Dukakis-like numbers.

Some Presidents were brilliant.
Some Presidents were Wise.
Some Presidents were courageous.

Our George, well he's "down to earth".
Ah, the soft bigotry of lowered expectations.

[McGehee]

Some Presidents were brilliant.
Some Presidents were Wise.
Some Presidents were courageous.

And some Presidents get things done.

[WillieStyle]

And some Presidents get things done.

Don't be so hard on Bush.
Atleast he's "down to earth".

[arlo]

Kerry will crush the shrub in the debates. 8D

[tommy]

Man, i am not looking forward to the debates this year. All the rhetoric is gonna hit the fan, from the fair and balanced news agencies either way, and we will likely be treated to Bush's delightful cowboyisms (whish i rather like) and Kerry's deadpan (nee, dead) so called witticism, with neither actually answering a single damn question. Not that i ever expect a politician to give an answer anyway, i learned that when Congressman Burr visited my school in 9th grade. HOWEVER, i do think that of the two of them, Bush will actually stand by his bulls##t, and Kerry would switch at the next poll. Mind you, the PS will spin whatever is said after the fact, again, no surprise. Besides, Bush doesn't want to ZOOP half of the nation, who would he laugh at and hunt for sport in 2007?
That was a joke. See, i'm learning from John Kerry.

Tommy, (R, NC) (FU :-D)