Our Night At The Oscars

From the comfort of our living room, our family and friends enjoyed the Academy Awards on Sunday night.  This fine Monday morning, however, I am a bit adrift - after Chris Rock's comment that no straight men watch the Oscars, I am afraid to ask my buddies if they watched the show; I would not want them to think I am either impugning their manhood, or hitting on them.

Actually, I am probably safe - it is only in Times-world that Chris Rock made a broad comment about straight men.  The rest of us know that he told Entertainment Weekly it was straight black men that skip the Oscars, so the circle with which I must broach the subject cautiously is greatly reduced.

Now, a bti of a caveat is in order here.  I only caught about two and a half hours of the telecast, so I can not say that Chris Rock was a perfect failure - maybe he provoked a smile or two in the bits I missed.  And, not having seen every telecast in Oscar history, I cannot say that as an emcee he was the absolute bottom of the barrel, but he sure got a good look at what it looks like.

Perhaps Mr. Rock will turn this disaster into a new professional opportunity!  I can foresee him authoring the definitive piece on "flop sweat" - "How I Annoyed A Billion People in Forty Countries for Four Hours and Never Got a Laugh", by Chris Rock.  Put it on your coffee table.

And how about Al Pacino, swaying and slurring while he rambled on endlessly?  Thereby hangs a cautionary tale for the rest of us - never wait backstage mixing the cold medicine with the Scotch.

We have loved Hillary Swank since "The Next Karate Kid", but please - is there a less lightly regarded two-time Oscar winner among Hollywood actresses today?  Does anyone think she will open a picture with the oomph of Julia Roberts or Gyneth Paltrow?

Ms. Swank's speech caused a bit of a stir among the viewers at home.  One critic insisted that "her dress was too short and her speech was too long".  I don't know - I would have been fine with it if both had covered less.

Finally, it was a big night for Clint Eastwood (or, as Drudge had it, "Clint Hollywood").  We have loved Clint since his spaghetti western / Dirty Harry days, and if you folks misbehave, we will scan in an old photo of yours truly with a poncho, a stogie, a beard, and a menacing Clint Eastwood scowl.  When Clint brings home Best Director and Best Picture, a night like that (say it with me) makes my day.

But he seems to have ignored his own advice - what happened to "a man's got to know his limitations"?

MORE: Tom Shales of the WaPo calls Chris Rock "strangely lame and mean-spirited."  On Hillary Swank, he offers that "Swank also took dubious honors for one of the evening's most torturous and prolonged acceptance speeches, refusing to be cut off by the orchestra, which had managed to silence a few blabbermouths who preceded her."

Well, we still liked her dress.

Dan Drezner shows why he is our go-to guy on economic/poltical questions by telling us that "I think Rock was too good -- he made the rest of the show seem boring by comparison"; Roger Simon links the words "Rock" and "bombing".

The Voice of Middle America could scarcely have liked Rock less:

Loud, snide and dismissive, [Chris Rock] wasn't just a disappointment; he ranks up there with the worst hosts ever — particularly when you factor in the expectations. When the show ran a salute to Johnny Carson's years as host, the comparison was so painful, it made you think the academy would have been better off just letting a computer-generated Carson host again.

But what is this!  They witnessed a "touching, graceful acceptance speech" by Hillary Swank?  Where is their credibility now?

The Hollywood Reporter was not impressed, either.  But, bottom line - best ratings since 2000.  Well, folks tune in to NASCAR to watch for the wrecks, I suppose.

Comments

[Ted Barlow]

You might have missed Whoopi Goldberg and David Letterman's stints at hosting. Letterman at least had his own dada style, even if he wasn't especially funny. Whoopi, on the other hand, seemed ready to implode a flash of infinite smug self-regard. To paraphrase StrongBad, "Whoopi Goldberg needed two writers. One to not think of something funny, and one to think of something not funny."

[TM]

Actually, I saw them both, and they were down there. One was awful, and one was miserable, but I forget which was which. Other than Billy Crystal, this job can't be done (Jon Stewart, your public is waiting... And how did Steve Martin do - didn't he take a turn?).

My fave moment last night was the tribute to Johnny Carson, partly because Carson was so smooth, gracious, and funny, and partly because it meant that Chris Rock had to go out afterwards and look even smaller.

[TM]

Roger Simon hated Chris Rock; Dan Drezner shows why he is so great on outsourcing and poli-sci by telling us that "I think Rock was too good -- he made the rest of the show seem boring by comparison".

Maybe he meant "The Rock", with Cage and Connery.

[GT]

What little I saw of Chris Rock I liked. But I only watched the first few minuets. My wife watched the whole show and liked it.

I have little faith in the analysis of experts (like the ones you link to) on something like this. Remember Clinton's SotU? If people watched it, as it seemed they did, that probably means they liked it.

[TM]

Well, the experts are geniuses when they agree with me; otherwise, they are just elitist cranks (Dan Drenzer excepted, of course).

My wife watched the whole show, and hated it more than I did. I thought Rock bottomed out with "You're really going to enjoy these next four presenters - please welcome Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek."

Man, if one of them had tipped Rock, and said "Be careful not to dent the car when you park it", I would have paid double.

Or is it only funny when he does sterotypes?

[GT]

hehe, that would have been funny!

[Crank]

Swank's dress would have looked better with an attractive woman in it. But hey, that's just me.

[Laddy]

Ratings were down 2 million viewers from last year. Up in the cities and down in flyover country or most likely up with Dems and down with Reps. See the Drudge link. :)

[BurbankErnie]

"Does anyone think she will open a picture with the oomph of Julia Roberts or Gwyneth Paltrow?"

Puh-leese, Paltrow is the most overrated actress out there, I don't know what the afliction with her is. I agree with Roger, Swank will be around for a long time making quality flicks, long past Paltrow.

[Fredrik Nyman]

Hi,

I am just misbehaving a bit to make TM make good on his promise.

[Dan]

They have to lose the live performances of the songs. Should play snips of the original performances from the movie as they were edited and known. Talk about a waste of time. Best comment was that none should have been nominated, but wife loves "Accidentally In Love" from Shrek 2.

Missed Rock's opening monolog (was doing something useful--walking the dogs). Wife said, "Awful. Nothing but Bush bashing." Now what does that have to do with Academy Awards?

Most obvious omission: the staggering achievement of "Sky Captain." It was the first movie to synthesize the sets completely. Done almost entirely against blue screen. Like "Roger Rabbit" in reverse. Instead of cartoon characters against a live background, it was live characters against a computer generated background that (despite the implausible story) were simply fabulous. They deserved award. Way beyond normal CGI effects.

To illustrate the sad state award-winning acting has reached, to win today you need to impersonate a genuine original like Katherine Hepburn or Ray Charles or act as the opposite sex (Shakespeare In Love, Boys Don't Cry, women as boxers). With these rules, they should give an Oscar to Rich Little.

Chris Rock's best moments: going to the Magic Johnson theaters (which cater almost exclusively to the black community) and pointedly illustrating just how out of touch the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is with America: no one had seen ANY of the nominated films--as I and millions of others have and will not.

Something happened after 9/11 when the Tim Robbins's and Michael Moores of Hollywood came out so clearly against America. They violated the cardinal rule of being an entertainer: they ceased entertaining me.

When I make my decision to view, rent or buy a movie based on the irrelevant politics of an actor, he or she just stepped over the line and violated the "fourth wall" of theater. They do so at their own peril.

I watched out of curiosity as to what Rock would do. It was miserable. It will take an extraordinary effort to bring be back as a viewer of the Academy Awards next year.

[sym]

You didn't even like the Tim Robbins introduction ("when he's not dazzling us to death with his acting, he's boring us to death with his politics")???
I'm surprised the rightie blogs hated him. You guys are supposed to like vicious mockery of Hollywood. Or is it only funny when you do it?