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March 01, 2005

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Matthew Ryan

Damn you, TM! I klicked on the Dowd link, read three paragraphs and now I have to leave the office, go home and take a shower.

You and Kaus can talk this up as often as you wish and there will be no bites. First of all, even if the release largely vindicates Kerry there will be 'something', even if it's just more questions/the release doesn't address all the questions. Rarely is the vindication complete (consider Bush's phased release of his records). So even if the release is by and large and vinidication, the MSM knows that the Dowd paragraph you composed will be drowned out by voices on the right who will point out that the citizenry did not have the same level of information on the two candidates.

Rather than Kerry vindication what the MSM would need is to have nothing there at all. Kerry signs the form, the military releases the records and it turns out there's nothing substantively new. So the MSM had the story 'covered' and the Republicans can be nailed for their tactics.

Crank

It would be amusingly ironic if Kerry, like Saddam with his apparently phantom WMDs, turns out to have been done in by his insistence on avoiding full disclosures that might have saved him. Perhaps then he would argue that, if not for President Bush's arrogant rush to re-election, the UN inspectors would eventually have cleared Kerry.

byrd

I'm not sure what tactics Matthew Ryan might be talking about. People with various forms and levels of personal knowledge disputed Kerry's version of events.

The military has documents that may or may not clear this up. Kerry personally (and solely) has the power to release those documents. Kerry refused (in that typical Kerryesque manner of refusing without refusing), leading those of us with no personal knowledge of the events to reasonably wonder why he would refuse.

There's nothing to be embarrassed about even if the documents contain a full vindication of Kerry.

BumperStickerist

What amused me during the whole Swift Vets episode was the way that the Swifties claims held together while John Kerry's managed to be internally inconsistent if not down right mutually exclusive.

Going off memory, and not bothering to footnote, the one that stands out in my mind was how the Swiftie's decoration cited 'enemy fire' which somehow invalidated his claim that there was no fire.

Sure, at first it seems contradictory, until you realize that 1) the Swiftie didn't put in for his medal - all evidence points to Kerry having done the write up and 2) the award was mailed out 6 months later *after* the Swiftie was stateside and out of the Navy.

My question is: Why, after getting out of the service, would you a) really bother to read the award citation that closely and b) if a detail was included (enemy gunfire) that contradicted your memory, what possible motivation would you have to make a fuss? Toss it in the VA box, open a beer, and get on with life.

Which is what happened *up until* Kerry decided to feature his Swift Boat service - at which point I imagine 200 or so people who served the same duty as Kerry going 'He said what?'

So, that's just one bit of the Swift Vet story that points to the fact that Kerry gilded the lilly. fwiw - Beldar had the best round up from a legal standpoint regarding the Swift boats (no offense TM) -

But, jeez, this all brings back sooooo many memories - Kerry's PAC being named Citizen Soldier, fer instance. While I respect Kerry's service in uniform and the fact that he was shot at, I don't have to respect the part he made up.

correction: making up

... Khmer Rouge ...

gack.

Brainster

Great post as usual Tom, but Kerry's not up for reelection to the Senate until 2008.

richard mcenroe

Kerry will never sign the Form 180. He will promise to, again and again, because he knows he will not be held to it.

TM

but Kerry's not up for reelection to the Senate until 2008.

Groan. Well, you can't start planning too early, can you?

Kim

I don't think Kerry will dare be interviewed by Don Imus or Tim Russert again. They, for two, will keep bringing the Form 180 up. Slowly, as he continues to stonewall, and stiff journalists, his list of interviewers will shrink.

One...Eighty...One...Eighty...One...Eighty.
================================================================================================

Beto Ochoa

The largest set of facts we know about John Kerry is what he did AFTER he returned from Vietnam. He latched onto the "Hate America" teat and took his place in history alongside the likes of Abbie Hoffman and Ward Churchill. This was part and parcel of his platform, he ran on it and was elected on it and his recent re-invention is a ruse. While he was yet in uniform he collaborated not only with the North Vietnamese but with domestic terrorists who contemplated and plotted the murders of several elected representatives. I'm am positive those two actions were the reasons for his dishonorable discharge. He will NEVER sign his 180 because the facts will support most of the SBV's version of events. Despite the fact he has and would again sell out our interests and security for political expediency, that is one illumination he would not be able to live with.

Juwanna Blowme

An ode to John Kerry

John Kerry is a hero - and a leader too,
He's a much better person than me and you;
Duty and public service, they're Kerry's avocation,
I wish John Kerry were leading our nation!

The election is over and the wrong man won,
But we shouldn't despair, as John Kerry isn't done;
He's a beacon of leadership in Washington D.C.,
John Kerry should be the president - it's so plain to see!

Harry Arthur

What do you think the reaction would be if Kerry was to release his original less-than-honorable discharge?

Juwanna Blowme

Ode #2 to John Kerry

John Kerry is a statesman, George Bush is just a pretender,
It's Kerry, not Bush, who's the Constitution's defender;
I pray that the next 4 years will go by very quickly,
And I pray to God that Bush won't make the USA any more sickly;

Yes it's true I wish that it were now 2008,
For that's the year that Kerry will make our country again great;
John Kerry is a hero and a man who'll make us great,
He'll make other countries like us - there will be no more hate!

TM

He'll make other countries like us - there will be no more hate!

LOL. No, none at all.

That's pretty good - juwanna put down the pipe now?

Kim

Damn the meter, Fool Speed Ahead.

Actually my interpretation is that Juwanna is being deliciously ironic.
==============================================================================================

Juwanna Blowme

Ode #3 to John Kerry

Politics and public service are Mr. Kerry's occupation,
There is no better man than to lead our great nation;
He's Massachusetts born and bred,
For our nation he has bled;

While George Bush was in Texas eating biscuits and gravy,
John Kerry was in Vietnam with the U.S. Navy;
He fought the good fight and does so to this day,
John Kerry's a great man - what more can we say?

TM

Juwanna is being deliciously ironic.

Well, I thought so too, but (3) is taking us in a Bold New Direction.

Juwanna Blowme


Ode #4 to John Kerry

In four short years the red states will gladly embrace,
The entry of John Kerry into the 2008 Presidential race;
Blues states love him and red states will as well,
As the GOP candidates are banished to the farthest reaches of electoral hell!

In 2008 it will be a Kerry-Boxer landslide,
Poor Dick and Rudy and Arnie - there'll be no place for them to hide;
The landslide of 2008 it will be so very great,
I wiat with anticipation - I can hardly even wait!


Kim

As an army of one he's still out of step.
=============================================================

Kim

As an army of one he's still out of step.
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Kim

As an army of one he's still out of step.
=============================================================

Puddin Tang Tastes Oh So Good

Juwanna - you can stick a fork in Kerry - he's done. The only ones who don't realize this are Kerry and some of the deadhead, leftist, hippie, wannabe's and never weres that supported him.

Neo

"We put all the records out that I had been sent by the military. Then at the last moment, they sent some more stuff, which had some things that weren't even relevant to the record."

I've thought about this line for a while now and the "Then at the last moment" phrase keeps jumping out at me.

I bet somewhere down the line, especially if Kerry really tries to run again, that Kerry will bring up this phrase again saying that that last batch of documents were fakes. I won't go as far as to say he will claim Karl Rove wrote them, but he will claim surprise as to why some of the documents came "at the last moment".

This will then be used to cast doubt on all the documents in his military record. He will use this as cover for not ever signing the Form 180.

Kim

You can be sure his busy little mind is trying to figure a way to nuance the record.

Also: "Last moment" before what? This seems to be a moving moment. I suspect, as with many instances of prevarication, the agent has simply lost track of what he has said and really doesn't know what contradicts what. I've seen that process in some of the people promoting a defense against what the Swifties claim. His hesitancy to release records now may be partly related to the possibility that he just doesn't remember what all he has claimed.
Besides the intrinsically devastating stuff, that is.
================================================================

Juwanna Blowme

Ode #5 to John Kerry

The conservatives predict a gathering storm,
Over some bogus charges concerning Kerry's SF 180 form;
Yet while Bush and Rove were out fooling around,
Lt. John Kerry was fighting VC from the sea & the ground;

John Kerry is a war hero, of that there's no doubt,
President Bush clearly lacks Kerry's bravery and clout;
The GOP attack dogs are so over-zealous,
Why do they attack Kerry? It's because they are jealous;

In case you can't tell I'm a big Kerry fan,
He'll be a great President because he's a great man;
So go ahead Republicans, treat Kerry with doubt,
When he beats you in 2008, we'll laugh while you pout;


Appalled Moderate

There once was a candidate named Kerry
Who made guys like Rove very merry
"If he doesn't flip", said he
"He'll just flop, tee hee.
And the Demos will find it all really scary."

Look, Juwana. I really would have voted for a yellow dog over Bush in the last election. But I don't take much comfort from the fact that the actual candidate wasn't yellow, but was a dog.

Cecil Turner

Don't know much about ode-making, but . . .

Born into privilege, married into wealth,
Buffed up and botoxed, the picture of health.
Opportunity knocks, a chance on the wing,
Grab the ol' magic hat, toss it into the ring.

His years in the Senate, they haven't shown much,
He looks for an angle, a common man touch.
"Domestic policy can be such a bore,
I've got an idea, let's talk about the war."

Better whip up some quick bona-fides,
Vietnam is perfect, he fought on both sides!
Protester/warfighter, which is a mystery,
Have Brinkley go back, and rewrite some history.

The war looks important (unlike some others),
Try to be upbeat . . . how 'bout: "Band of Brothers"?
As campaign slogans go, this one is a beauty:
"My name is Tall John, reporting for duty."

And although he claims to be a big hero,
Most soldiers and vets believe he's a zero.
"There's no Cambodian sugar-plum fairy!"
The SwiftVets take aim, and sink SS Kerry.

Beating up his record has been kinda fun,
But the party is over . . . there's no way he'll run.
Yet Dems everywhere rejoice and take heart,
They've still got contenders--Hillary for a start.

Howard Dean is a Freaking Bozo

I can't take credit for this one but I couldn't resist posting this gem I found over at Free Republic.

Sung to the tune of the "Addams Family" theme
He’s cranky and he’s moody,
Smug, arrogant and snooty
Reporting now for duty
The Kerry nominee

His houses are expensive
His pedigree extensive
He really is offensive
The Kerry nominee

(Neat)
(Elite)
(Conceit)

So put your campaign face on
A Swift boat you can float on
We’re gonna nail that moron
The Kerry nominee

Juwanna Blowme

Ode #6

The GOP will lie, kill or cheat,
To prevent their inevitable defeat;
John Kerry will stomp the GOP to pieces,
Leaving Republicans feeling lower than feces;

Richard Popeson

There once was a man named John Kerry
His ideas as President were scary
He flips on this
And flops on that
And his running mate looks like a fairy

Richard Popeson

John Kerry haikus:

Things just can't get worse
Going back to Ohio
Teddy wants to drive

Democrat love fest
Kerry, Edwards, left-wing nuts
All flunk global test

They say I flip-flop
But Teresa speaks her mind
Costing me the job

I'm a moderate
One consistent position
Bush is mean to me

Edwards is a twit
I should have chosen Howard
Screaming Dean gets votes

Michael Moore's my friend
But I sent him out-of-state
Eating all my food

Even though they cheat
The dems still come up behind.
Why the long face, John?

Kerry equals toast
All he carried was the coast
Fags upset, Oh well

The air is rank
would someone flush the Johns
into the septic tank?

Cecil Turner

Haiku-ode?

Without ideas
rejected by the voters
still in denial

Smarting from defeat,
credulous Dems wonder when . . .
Will he "bring it on"?

Might be a little too Zen.

Appalled Moderate

More haiku. Though I have to wonder -- can you think of anyone less poetic than John Kerry?


I voted for it
Before voting against it
I had it right once!

I had better hair
An intellect that impressed
Why didn't I win?

Richard Popeson

There once was a man named Kerry
Whose voting record was very scary
He flips and he flops,
while his poll numbers drop
and his positions seem contrary

Richard Popeson

There once was a man named Kerry
Who wanted a rich sugarmomma to marry
He came home from a war
Turned in to a whore
And wed the battleaxe known as Heinz-Kerry

Kerry likes Ter-RAY-zuh's money
But clearly, John Edward's his "honey" -
With smooches galore
and with eyes that adore
Their "Kerryin' on" seems quite "funny"...

Richard Popeson

There was a young traitor named Kerry.
He got out of 'Nam on the first ferry.
He bragged of his war crimes;
Spoke to the New York Times.
President John F. Kerry? That is scary!

John Kerry didn't think we should attack,
A country by the name of Iraq,
He screams and he rants,
That we didn't check with France,
Because he'd get out the kneepads for Chirac!

In the election of 2004,
John Kerry was really a bore.
At every whistle-stop,
His position would flip-flop.
And supporters would head for the door.

Cecil Turner

Limericks? Howzabout "crossfire" haiku-ode?

John unpoetic?
Long lines, his smooth graceful style,
somewhat athletic.

Peripatetic
back-and-forth maundering memes,
more like "pathetic."

Haiku is too Zen?
Surely Shinto dominates
And Kerry can win.

As fighter too thin,
Bushido is outdated,
Long face, too much chin.

Master of kung fu,
winning inevitable
skilled at jujitsu.

Forget the haiku
Honorable course is to
commit seppuku.

Juwanna Blowme

Ode #7 to John Kerry

George Bush and his henchmen led us wrongly to war,
Subjecting our troops, to death, terror and gore;
A President Kerry would not have made this mistake,
And he wouldn't base his decisons on WMD's that were a fake;

It's a pity you Republicans are so filled with hate,
That you refuse to admit that John Kerry is great;
His influene and charm they inspire the masses,
Whiel the Republicans grip and act just like asses!

Cecil Turner

Weapons there were,
of this we are sure,
(how many is open to question).

And for lefties who prate,
of those filled with hate,
we offer this hopeful suggestion:

A positive plan,
and saying "we can,"
might garner the power you seek;

But naysaying tripe,
of nothing but gripe,
will likely result in more pique.

Juwanna Blowme


A great injustice happened at the past election,
As massive voter fraud occurred under Karl Rove's direction;
Anyone with half a brain knows Kerry should have won,
Only an idiot would vote for Bush after everything he's done;

When I hear that Bush had won, I got drunk and then I hurled,
With 4 more years that freakin' Bush might just blow up the world;

The GOP and Bush I can say without hesitation,
Are psychos who ar e bent on destorying this fine nation.

Juwanna Blowme


These attacks on John Kerry are appalling,
It's behavior that I find particularly galling;
He won 3 Purple Hearts for his courage under fire,
I'll gladly take Kerry over Bush who's a liar;


Cecil Turner

Kerry as warrior pales
(unlike his marvelous tales),
Of his wounds, most were self-inflicted.

First for, then against, the war,
(recurring theme on that score)
His motives seem very conflicted.

Watching him straddle that fence
(and later votes for and against),
one wonders what he'd do with others.

And, his subsequent treason,
(for no discernible reason)
gives lie to the theme "band of brothers."

So trumpet his cause,
(and ignore his flaws)
pretend his worth is unique.

A leader who spins
(thrice widdershins!)
bears not the compass we seek.

The point of this lede
(and my earlier rede),
is to find a positive vision.

To complain and sob,
(And cry "we wuz robbed")
will just net you further derision.

Appalled Moderate

IF you combine invective
With a memory selective
And set it to a rhyme
You really have too much time

John Kerry was a decent guy
Who gave it his honest best try
But he lost, actually lost unlike Gore
And he shouldn't run for Prez no more.

So let's move on to canidates who win
And dwell not on Lurch's duller twin.
Leave Kerry to Ms. Kerry er Heinz
Because the DEms need candidates of different kinds

Juwanna Blowme


Please give it a rest for heaven's sake,
I've had about all that I can take,
Bush's reason for war were oh so fake,
Why can't you give John Kerry a break?

John Kerry's a hero who's wounds weren't self-inflicted,
Wasn't it a DUI for which George Bush was convicted?
The Bush presidency has been the disaster that many have predicted,
Bloodshed, terror, pain and war on millions he has inflicted;

In short, John Kerry's a great man, while Dubya's a disgrace,
Yes, Bush is an embarassment to the entire human race,
We need a president with Kerry's courage, style, strength and grace,
Rather than that pinhead Bush with the goofy look upon is face!

Juwanna Blowme

Please give it a rest for heaven's sake,
I've had about all that I can take,
Bush's reason for war were oh so fake,
Why can't you give John Kerry a break?

John Kerry's a hero who's wounds weren't self-inflicted,
Wasn't it a DUI for which George Bush was convicted?
The Bush presidency has been the disaster that many have predicted,
Bloodshed, terror, pain and war on millions he has inflicted;

In short, John Kerry's a great man, while Dubya's a disgrace,
Yes, Bush is an embarassment to the entire human race,
We need a president with Kerry's courage, style, strength and grace,
Rather than that pinhead Bush with the goofy look upon is face!

Juwanna Blowme


My last ode was so beautiful - I posted it here twice,
I think i was too modest - I should have posted it thrice!

TM

Oh. My. God.

LOL. Comment threads cannot be this funny; there is a blogger's code of conduct or something.

Richard Popeson

A flipflopping weenie named John
Went to France with his three medals on
Jacques Chirac cried, "Mon Dieu!"
"I surrender to you!"
"Give me panties and let's get it on."

Cecil Turner

Okay, I surrender--limericks are best, considering the seriousness of the subject matter.

Hanging on old shaky valor
just emphasizes the pallor
that's thirty years hence
he's done bupkus since
well okay, but at least he ain't yaller!


Dr No


This is a hilarious thread! I had to cut and paste some of these literary works so that I could email them to my friends.

Personally, I think Cecil is the better poet although you have to give Juwanna some points for persistence and blind loyalty.

Cecil Turner

Dr No, if you're praising my poetry, you've got some seriously low standards. Speaking of which, howzabout hick-haiku-ode:

He thot id be fun,
If he was to up and run . . . .
he dint git'r'done.

Appalled Moderate

All that's missing is setting the Kerry campaign to "Send In The Clowns". Need a Creepy Republican Dude to handle that.

Creepy Republican Dude

In honor of the Bay State's Senior Senator, Edward Moor Kennedy:

There once was a Senator from Mass.
Who went in search of a new piece of ass.
He lucked up and found one,
Then screwed up and drowned one.
And his future became a thing of the past.

TM

Juwana clearly deserves props, but if I had to pick one, it would be this:

I voted for it
Before voting against it
I had it right once!

or this:

Things just can't get worse
Going back to Ohio
Teddy wants to drive

And in the "Talk is cheap" category, I am convinced that "Like A Rolling Stone" is begging to be converted into a Kerry-basher, but nobody in my current physical setting seems to care for my voice.


Chuck Constantino

I'm from Pennsylvania and we're very familiar with Kerry and his wife Tersa Heinz. I offer this poem in her honor:

There once was a candidate from Mass
Whose wife had a very fat ass
It wasn't rosey and pink
as one might be inclined to think,
But was rich, puckered and passed gas


Dr No


Cecil - you're too modest. Seriously though, is anyone from the elite media (other than Tim Russert)every going to grill Kerry about this (surprise, surprise) conflicting statemnts on whether or not he would sign the 180 form?

Juwanna Blowme


I see by the lack of comments - you conservatives are in full retreat,
ALthough you outnumbered me here, I was always certain of your defeat;
I'm like John Kerry - I'm persistent and strong,
And like George Bush, you conservatives are wrong;

Cecil Turner

Here's a recap ode, with running commentary by R. Ermey: [I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior Drill Instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to . . .]

His qualifications in war,
boil down to "I was in one"
But it seems in order to score
Most would prefer he win one.

[For our side, numbnuts!]

Though based on reports that he wrote,
he came off quite well in dispatches
But others who fought with him note,
They don't trust him with burnt-out matches

[I am hard, but I am fair. . .]

He complained about free-fire zones
without understanding their function
He impressively made his own bones
giving wounded foes extreme unction.

[You will be a minister of death praying for war . . .]

Telling Winter Soldier lies,
prattling about jen-jis khan,
convincing folks to despise,
makes you wonder what dope he was on.

[Who the f*** said that?!? Who's the slimy little communist s*** twinkletoes c***s***er down here who just signed his own death warrant!?!]

I guess it's not fair to say treason
for it prospered (at least for a season)
But even if he's not a traitor,
We're not buying "good soldier" later.

[choke yourself!]

Stealing a quotation from Henry
and giving martial virtues a wink
does not overshadow the memory
nor lessen its decades-old stink.

[My orders are to weed out all non-hackers . . .]

His only real plan for this war
is that he would pull us out faster--
and hoist his false colors once more
whilst leading us all to disaster.

[. . . who do not pack the gear . . .]

He acts like he's something to hide.
refusing to sign the one-eighty,
I don't see why we should decide,
to trust him with issues more weighty.

[ . . . to serve in my beloved Corps!]

With all of the scrutiny on Bush
Why should we give Kerry passes?
And media refusing to push,
look like hypocritical asses.

[sound off like you got a pair!] One eight oh, one eight oh!

kim

Ho hah, Juwannah,
He signed the one eight oh.
Now won't you tellah,
Just what it said, oh?
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clarice

Juwannah,Please don't marry anyone without having someone sane take a long look at him. I seriously question your taste in men.

kim

J likes someone purse suissant and strong. He found out the race is to the Swift not the strong, at least not those the strong wind stiffs not the sniffer.
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