When You're A Lemon, Declare Yourself Lemonade

Political savant John Kerry explains his contribution to the Democratic electoral victory last week:

Shortly before the Nov. 7 elections that brought Democrats back into power in the House and Senate, Kerry retreated from public view following his remark to a college audience that young people might get "stuck in Iraq" if they do not study hard and do their homework.

Kerry said Sunday he had made the decision to keep a low profile after the White House attacked the joke as insulting to U.S. troops and several Democrats called the comment a needless distraction before the pivotal congressional elections.

"Since we had very close races, I made the decision to make certain that I didn't distract. The results speak for themselves," he said.

There you have it - "Keep Kerry Hidden" was a proven winner in '06 and ought to be a key part of the Dem strategy in '08.

DARN, DARN, DARN:  I would hate to see anything interfere with Kerry's promise to kick Swift butt "from one end of America to the other".  I'm beggin' him to bring it.

Comments

[JayC]

Tom,

You can't win the next election by using the strategy from the previous election.

The new strategy for 2008: Make Hillary Look Reasonable

[Propter Hoc]

Post hoc, ergo me.

[Daddy]

"When You're A Lemon, Declare Yourself Lemonade:"

TM, this strategy reminded me of something conjectured by Stephen Jay Gould, recently deceased Professor of Evolution at Harvard. Somewhere in his arguments with British Evolutionist Richard Dawkin's, Gould commented, not on something resembling a lemon, but on a New England lifeform's curious adaptation strategy, by stating something like "What is the use of looking one tenth like a Turd?" Gould then began a well reasoned argument detailing why such a lifeform, given it's New England environment, would prosper, if it continued via a selection process over time, to come to look 1/3rd, then one half, then 3/4's like a Turd, until ultimately it became indistinguishable from a Turd(lemon) itself. Gould's belief was that the New England lifeform's "Turdness" would be a very rapid transformation of punctuated equilibria, essentially absent intermediate forms. Reductionist Dawkin's, on the other hand, seemed to argue that the transitional forms should exist, because in his view, lifeform's are simply taxi cab's that the gene's concoct to drive themselves into the future, so in this case there should be all sorts of intermediate wrecked sort of Turdlike taxi-cabs full of selfish gene's, metaphorically littering the petrified highway's between New Jersey and Boston, and fossilied in innumerble stages of flippin' other taxi-cabs the bird. I'll leave it to the reader's to decide who had the better argument for Unintelligent Design.

[Sanjay K]

That was Kaus' idea for a 2004 strategy for Kerry, no? I forget the nonexistent baseball player it was named after, but it was a good idea then. Hell, it remains an interesting way he could win the Presidency: I am convinced he'd have won in 2004 if they kept him locked up somewhere between the nomination and the election.

[Jane]

Kerry clearly had botox or a facelift during his haitus. Time well spent, I'm sure.

[Charles Martin]

Daddy, I'll grant you the "unintelligible."

[Charlie (Colorado)]

Okay, that's weird ... where did the "Charlie (Colorado)" go?

[Charlie (Colorado)]

In any case, Tom, wouldn't you say that this is one example of where the word "savant" just cried out for the adjective "idiot"?

[PaulL]

Remember some months back, Kerry ate some extra spinach or something and said he was ready to take on any of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth anywhere, anytime? And John O'Neill just laughed.

Kerry's idea of taking on the Swift Boat guys is to have the Boston newspaper write a puff piece for him.

Only with the big media guys running total cover for Kerry could he have gone through the entire election process without ONCE having to debate a SINGLE Swift Boat issue. It boggles the mind. But that's the problem with the White House decision to stay as far away as possible from patriotism issues and service issues. It didn't stop the press from harping on the Guard stories, though, did it?

I still say President Bush or VP Cheney should have brought it up during a debate. Perhaps after Kedwards casually mentioned that Cheney's daughter IS A LESBIAN. That's L - E - S - B - I - A - N, to millions of TV viewers. That would have been a great time for the opposition to mention that Kerry's first purple heart was for the tiniest of scratches, treated with a band-aid.

I would have loved for Bush to ask Kerry why his "honorable" discharge was issued by Jimmy Carter, and what was his original status?

[pagar]

As long as John Kerry is a political figure, the people of the United States deserve to know a whole lot more about him, his military records, and his handling of the POW/MIA issue.
http://www.villagevoice.com/news/0408,schanberg,51276,1.html

[Pete]

So seems like Kerry beat Bush this time.

Gingrich's been making noises that Bush should have fired Rummie before the elections and the Elephants would have won.

And then this is what the Washington Post wrote before the election:
One GOP strategist, speaking candidly about the president on the condition of anonymity, offered this assessment: "I'd say he's at least 50 percent of the problem." In strongly Republican areas, he said, the president can still rally the party's base, but in more marginal districts, Bush is a drag on GOP candidates. "He's the problem," the strategist said. "He should stay away."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/31/AR2006103101415.html

[Pagar]

Amazing. ""One GOP strategist, speaking candidly about the president on the condition of anonymity"""" ....I guess as long as one is willing to speak under the condition of anonymity, that one can claim any position,
or put out any type of propaganda.

[jerry]

Kerry really should follow Imus' advice... and forget about running again. He's as stubborn and stupid as W.

[Jane]

So seems like Kerry beat Bush this time.

On what planet?

[maryrose]

I've been mostly reading posts this weekend but this thread caught my eye and I had to respond. After seeing Kerry for 10 seconds on Fox News Sunday I thought I was going to hurl. The first words out of his mouth were "It was a joke and I apologised for it" -only after the DNC made him. He then proceeded to describe the midterm election as being of historic proportions-which is totallt inaccurate. If anything the number of House seats that switched was somewhat below the average. Other than Northrup and Simmons, these other seats may have been saved had the candidates worked harder and stopped trying to blame President Bush for their own inadequacies. Every time Kerry opens his mouth it's to spout some B'S. that is neither logical nor true. The fact that he had to go in hiding proves what a drag he is on his own party. Voters of Massachusetts-wise up. Stop giving Kerry a free pass like you do Kennedy who is only getting elected because of his name.

[maryrose]

I've been mostly reading posts this weekend but this thread caught my eye and I had to respond. After seeing Kerry for 10 seconds on Fox News Sunday I thought I was going to hurl. The first words out of his mouth were "It was a joke and I apologised for it" -only after the DNC made him. He then proceeded to describe the midterm election as being of historic proportions-which is totallt inaccurate. If anything the number of House seats that switched was somewhat below the average. Other than Northrup and Simmons, these other seats may have been saved had the candidates worked harder and stopped trying to blame President Bush for their own inadequacies. Every time Kerry opens his mouth it's to spout some B'S. that is neither logical nor true. The fact that he had to go in hiding proves what a drag he is on his own party. Voters of Massachusetts-wise up. Stop giving Kerry a free pass like you do Kennedy who is only getting elected because of his name.

[Appalled Moderate]

There once was a John named Kerry
Whose presence his peers thought scary
"Pelosi" they said
"Not Kerry instead
Cause Long John Makes Maguire Too Merry"

Treating John Kerry seriously at this point is something only a fool and John Kerry would do.

[Tom]

"Bush is a drag on GOP candidates. "He's the problem," the strategist said. "He should stay away.""

??? By far it is that Congress is the problem.

[ajacksonian]

My absolutely unsolicited advice to the Republican Party involves two things.

First, bay the Zucker folks boatloads of cash to make one humorous commercial a week on the Democrats. Gentle chiding and ribbing and invoking laughter at their positions is something that they cannot take without vehemently responding and looking even worse than they already do. Find the folks who made the anti-Ford commercial as they also 'get the idea'.

Second, get every public utterance of John Kerry from now on. Pay groups to invite him as a speaker. Ensure that operatives can get wonderful interviews. Pay for videotapes of those places that are still public, but difficult to reach, like talks at libraries and schools and such.

Mix well.

An ad a week is all I ask for.

It is a 'target rich envionment'. Throw in Ted Kennedy and Charlie Rangel and every other blowhard in office and the entire vehement nature of politics will dissolve into mirth and guffaws. The sourpuss Kerry and all of those like him will just get more sour. They cannot take that sort of thing.

Just one ad a week... and more of Mr. Kim playing basketball, please?

[Evan]

I'm a Massachusetts voter, and we can think anything we like of the guy, the problem is that there is absolutely no one to run against either of Kennedy or Kerry. So get used to massive victories for both until there is a credible Republican challenger.

By the way, there is no unbridled enthusiasm for Kerry here - remember, one of the two Boston papers hates his guts and he's got a rep around town as an arrogant schmuck.

[Phillep]

" "He should stay away.""

"??? By far it is that Congress is the problem."

Hmmm, all the politicians should stay away.

There's a certain charm to that idea.

[jblog]

Ultimately, he's probably right -- after his latest blunder, shutting up was probably the best thing he could do to help the Democrats.

[Jane]

he problem is that there is absolutely no one to run against either of Kennedy or Kerry.

Actually the problem is that Kennedy has $8m in his coffers and I suspect Kerry has twice that. And you are right, there seem to be no qualified republicans to step up to the plate. How about you Evan?

[Conservadad]

Oh, voters of Massachusetts! Pluck the scales from your eyes before the day of ridiculousness is upon you!

(Oops, too late!)

See how the stupidity and vainglorious puffery of these "senatorial" bufoons makes of you a mockery throughout the land!

Cast them out like the entrails of a long dead fish to continue to rot in the gutters of the Big Dig for your fellow citizens have begun to smell on you their vile odor and lo, they will mistake you for a dump of garbage.

[Michael Devereaux]

I agree with the "one-ad-a-week" guy above.

Humor is devastating, and I really believe that, these days, conservatives are far better at it than Democrats.

A continued broadside of humor, week after week, of the type described by the fellow above would work WONDERS. If this two years leading up to 2008 is a boxing match, that would be an endless series of blows to the body, radically softening up the opposition for the easy eventual win.

[dick]

Personally taking a look at Kerry or Kennedy, almost any republican who is breathing would be a big improvement. It must be terrible to have to admit that your senators are Kerry and Kennedy. I know it is to have to admit that mine are Schumer and Clinton.

[maryrose]

Just keep Kerry front and center. Everytime he speaks dems lose 5 points. Kerry running in the primaries just makes me double over with laughter. Al Gore has a much better chance as a has been than Kerry does as a wannabee.

[dick]

Strange that the comment about the republicans not running anyone competent against Kerry and kennedy. Two of the people who have run against them were elected as governor by the same people who voted against them for senator. I guess the people of Massachusetts are willing to elect the buffoons so long as the buffoons stay out of the state.

[Tom Maguire]

Humor is devastating, and I really believe that, these days, conservatives are far better at it than Democrats.

Interesting - that reminds me of the Stephen Colbert press awards speech that became a litmus test amongst our friends on the left - unless you laughed at it, you were pro-Bush and pro-war.

Other reviewers (including some previously considered to be anti-war, anti-Bush) thought it was not funny, but they were booed off.

That said - the left's idea of a punchline is "Bush sucks", so yes, it should not be hard to top that. And they have a long history of being humorless in response, so the idea of amusing tweaks is a good one (that ought to assure it won't happen).

[Don]

Conservatives are definitely funnier!

Except the goal is get laughed with not at.

[Jon]

Kennedy was elected over Romney because Kennedy was seen as better at bringing home the bacon. They also pulled a last minute smear against Romney based on the fact that one of the companies that was founded by the company that Romney previously worked at once laid off a few dozen people in Ohio, as I recall. The illusion that Romney was Scrooge was sustained by the media long enough for that election, but was gone by the time Romney ran for Governer.

[dick]

I can't believe that a party that complains about negative advertising by the republicans would stoop to last minute smears. Say it isn't so!!

[Crew v1.0]

"How do you ask a man to work with the public with his scalp in this horrendous condition?"

[anonymous]

3 words, my genetically-deprived bad-hair sufferers: hot oil treatments.

[hit and run]

Don:
Conservatives are definitely funnier!

Except the goal is get laughed with not at.

Don, I get what you are trying to say. But seriously, in the humor department, nothing is funnier than being able to laugh at yourself.

Bush can mangle the English language, and that can be funny, it can be infuriating, it can be hard to watch some times. But he knows he's not the most verbally astute - and he is willing to laugh at himself over it. That means we can't ever say that we are only laughing at him - since he is laughing too, we are always laughing with him.

And the other thing about the repubs I hang around with - we are just as willing to have a good laugh at a repub flub as a dem one. To me, I don't know if I've ever laughed harder at a politician than when Bush said "..so OB/gyn's can practice their love with their patients" (quote from memory, may not be exact). I still laugh when I think of that. I'm giggling right now re-reading it.

I don't strike out too far in these here tubes (hey, there's another repub flub that kills me, courtesy of Ted Stevens) - I have a handful of sites I visit daily. But I would be very interested if there were a dem/lib equivalent of scrappleface.

[jJake - but not the one]

Ya know, Kerry actually reached out hard to the "netroots" or whatever, getting people to organzie, to donate. He had a real and effective presence in on the online community - at least in the somewhat influential online community - and whatever his gaffes might or might not be, I think he was good for the Democratic party, and for the country as a whole.

I don't think he should run for Pres, though. One terrible speaker in a row is enough.

Jake