I Was A Punchline (And Nearly Nuked)

Was it really thirty years ago that I nearly perished in a nuclear blast?  Just about!  On Dec 15, 1978, the first Superman movie with Christopher Reeve was released.  The first weekend it was out I and a group of back-from-school friends drove to the nearest theatre with a convenient showtime, ten miles away in Hackensack New Jersey. 

Now do keep in mind - back in 1978 we did not have the internet (and were cooled by the flapping of pterodactyl wings) so no one in the audience had checked ten online reviews or memorized seven trailers.  Consequently there was quite a reaction in the house when the crowd was exposed to this particular plot twist:

Meanwhile, criminal genius Lex Luthor has developed a cunning plan to make a fortune in real estate by buying large amounts of "worthless" desert land and then diverting a nuclear rocket from a missile testing site to the San Andreas Fault. This will destroy California and leave Luthor's desert as the new West Coast of the United States, greatly increasing its real estate value. After his incompetent henchman Otis accidentally redirects the first rocket to the wrong place, Luthor's girlfriend Eve Teschmacher successfully changes the course of a second missile. Knowing Superman could stop his plan, Luthor lures him to his underground lair and exposes him to Kryptonite. As Superman weakens, Luthor taunts him by revealing the first missile is headed to Hackensack, New Jersey, in the opposite direction, knowing Superman could not stop both impacts.

Hackensack?!?  The place went mad!  Not only were we now nationally famous, but if Superman didn't get his rally cap on properly we were only going to have about fifteen minutes to enjoy our fifteen minutes before getting nuked.  Fortunately...

Teschmacher is horrified because her mother lives in Hackensack, but Luthor does not care and leaves Superman to a slow death. Teschmacher rescues Superman on the condition that he will deal with the New Jersey missile first.  He is consequently too late to stop the second impact, causing a massive earthquake which he battles to correct. 

Lucky for us.  California-philes were thin on the ground, although we all felt bad for Lois Lane.

Comments

[clarice]

Very funny,TM..

[JayC]

And yet, no one ever stops to ask: if we had lost New Jersey and California in 1978, wouldn't we be better off?

[JWF]

Good thing Hackensack was spared since I was within 20 miles of the blast zone.

[Steve]

Great post here!

Would you like a Link Exchange with our new blog COMMON CENTS where we blog about the issues of the day??

http://www.commoncts.blogspot.com

[MayBee]

Better Hackensack than Hackettstown. The country could not withstand the loss of our national treasure, M&Ms.

[ben]

You know the old joke, why does California have all the lawyers and New Jersey all the toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey had first choice.

[Kevin B]

"Hmmm... New Jersey...California...New Jersey...California...New Jersey...California...New Jersey...California...

"Iknow, I'll have a beer and then I'll decide."

[Daryl Herbert]

The last thing I want to see is link spam from:

Common C#nts (name redacted so they don't get any more traffic)

[bad]

Daryl, you had me goin' there for a minute.

[matt]

as goes California, so goes New Jersey?

[Porter]

Valerie Perrine in the pool.

I remember it well.

[DS]

I prefer to Direct.

[Pofarmer]

Somebody sure nuked the dollar today.

Doing my corn and soybeans in the bin good though.

[Soylent Red]

Hackensack wasn't hit by a nuke? Not from where I'm sitting mister...

BTW...NO OTISBURG!

[BobS]

People, PLEEEEEEEZE!

Am I the only one whom realizes that ALL media are DEM hacks, flacks, bats, what have you??

Don't fall into the PC black hole that dictates calling them lefties....THEY ARE DEMS!!!

[Ann]

BobS,

How are you doing tonight? I was so sorry to hear about your students. You sound like a very caring teacher and we could all use more people like you in our children's lives. This time of year is really hard.

My daughter's scientist teacher has a son in Iraq and she absolutely thinks he is terrific. I did too until I found out he made the class watch Al Gore's global doom movie this week,
What is with that...is it mandatory or something?

Keep your chin up, the kids and parents need you! ( So does JOM :) )

[centralcal]

BobS - please explain the difference between lefty, Dem, and progressive. They are the trinity of foulness, are they not?

[sammy small]

OT

Here's the latest video on the Blago scandal.

[Porter]

Sammy- wrong thread, wrong video.

Think Coppola.

[Porter]

This is fun!

(LUN)

[Daddy]

Is Hackensack that sort of little mini-soccer ball bag of fluff that disenfranchised yoot`s used to kick around while smoking weed outside of Seven-11`s?

[sbw]

Hackensack is just south of Poughkeepsie. Do you pick your toes in Poughkeepsie? [A little Gene Hackman double movie Hollywood [bad] humor.]

[Crunchy Frog]

I've been dead ever since Season 4 of '24', when a suitcase nuke exploded in Valencia, CA.

Wonderful thing being dead - it frees you of all sorts of responsibility.

[Daddy]

Wow, just saw the Drudge photo of Man of the Year. That being said, let me modify my comment above:

Is Hackensack that sort of little mini-soccer ball bag of fluff that disenfranchised future President Elect yoot`s used to kick around while smoking weed outside of Seven-11`s?

And speaking of that Drudge photo, I`m not interested in whether he ever inhaled. I`m interested in whether he ever exhaled.