National Enquirer Back For More On Gore

The National Enquirer will hit newsstands Thursday with more on the Al Gore as sex-crazed poodle story.  I meant to pick up some milk at the supermarket anyway, so I may tap the extensive JOM research budget and pick up a copy.

Big Journalism has more and repeats the question asked by many - where are the other masseuses?  Suspenseful!

Finally, about that cover - the National Enquirer photo shows the masseuse holding a pair of pants helpfully labeled "her stained pants", and the cover promotes "DNA testing".  Que pasa?

Per the woman's extended statement in 2009, Al Gore wrestled with her for a while in the hotel bedroom.  On subsequent inspection her pants seemed to have been stained; she saved them for possible testing, although we inferred that the Portland police did not follow up on that.

So, did the National Enquirer do some DNA testing?  I doubt that had an Al Gore DNA sample, but they might have been able to confirm that some male fluid was present.

And as we have a Monica flashback, we recall that Ken Starr told Bill Clinton's legal team the results of the DNA testing on the famous blue dress before asking the President about it; no "gotcha" Perry Mason moment there.  One doubts the National Enquirer will be so scrupulous.

Comments

[peter]

One thin September soon
A masseuses hand disappears
Beneath the sheet

Vapors rise as
Fever settles on my lower abdominals
Make my bone dissolve

Slow strokes from the moobs to belly
Ice fathers floods in your pants
A hard tug and my recount comes quickly

Then my throat is parched
Your hand is placed near wood
For the VP's celebration

Unknown creatures in my shorts
Take their leave, unload!
Gynecologists ready their stirrups

Passion seeks a 2nd Chakra release
The belle wants a tip?
On the hill I was the most Hung

The client cries
The hour of release has arrived
Here! Is my tool.

h/t ACE

[MarkO]

Crazed poodle. Sick puppy.

[Clarice]

chakras, shmakras, get the caffeine away from TM. I can no longer keep up with all these threads.

[Homo anthropo do mi arrigato.]

Mama Gaia wants
Her second Chakra released.
Burn it, Babe; burn it.
===========

[Danube of Thought]

Oh, how deeply I love this stuff! Let us hope the NE milks this thing for weeks to come.

Just saw J. Christian Adams talking to Megyn Kelly about the Black Panthers case. Very compelling.

[Dave (in MA)]

From 'Cheepnis' in 1973, by Frank Zappa -- whose widow Gail is good friends with Tipper:

"KEEP IT AWAY! DON'T LET THE POODLE BITE ME!
WE CAN'T LET IT REPRODUCE! OH!
SOMEBODY GET OUT THE PANTS!"

[Porchlight]

I haven't had this much fun since Scott Beauchamp's mindthoughts and soulpatterns.

Actually this is better, since it does not involve the slander of American troops by mendcious leftists.

[Thomas Collins]

This appears to be the current TMZ-like thread, so the LUN, I would hope, is not out of order.

[centralcal]

I have long said Al Gore is insane. The masseuse calls him a "sick man."

Isn't Tipper some sort of psychologist or something?

[lyle]

Agreed, Porch.

There were some hilarious threads during the Beauchamp saga.

[Porchlight]

lyle,

I think Ace of Spades was the funniest place on earth during the Beauchamp thing. Lots of laughs here, too.

[Porchlight]

TC,

I like that Elin made it a condition of the settlement that Tiger can't have his girlfriends near the kids.

Overall I have very little interest in the Tiger saga, but boy, $750 mil sure is a lot of cake.

[DebinNC]

Tipper has a BA and MA in Psychology. I bet Al's New Age Climate Cult conversion was a chakra too far for her.

[Thomas Collins]

Porch, I agree that Elin handled this well. By the way, Elin has more than an agreement to keep Tiger from exposing the kids to the, shall we say, less savory aspects of his life. Tiger no doubt realizes that if Elin is not in any way satisfied with how his visits with the kids go, he will once again be playing the role of a Titlelist for Elin's golf practice shots!

[sam]

Tiger had to agree to the massive $750 m settlement, because Elin threatened to expose steroid use (whether true or not).

Which would finish Tiger's career and throw PGA golf into chaos (if they had to discuss rescinding all of Tiger's victories).

[Sara (Pal2Pal)]

Porch: $750M for a woman who should be in jail for assault and battery makes it a super duper big deal. I am far more worried about having her around the kids. As far as we know neither Tiger or any of the so-called "girlfriends" has a penchant for bodily damage.

[Sara (Pal2Pal)]

NRO">Daniel Foster at NRO:

Says Boatman:

"She called me on the phone on Oct. 23, 2006. I remember the date because that's my birthday. She was excited about the massage she had scheduled for that evening -- she said it was with former Vice President Al Gore.

"I was shocked when she called back and woke me around 4 a.m. that same night. When I picked up, she was in tears. She told me she was assaulted...Mr. Gore groped her and threw her down on the bed.

"I was shocked and believed her right away. Molly's never lied to me -- she's one of the most honest people I've ever met."

Now this sounds like classic hearsay, and it is. But the Enquirer also quotes a criminal defense attorney who calls such "outcry witnesses" potentially important.

"In sexual assault cases, outcry witnesses are important and often provide some of the most significant evidence.

If there is a witness who says that later that day or the next day, the accuser told me about a sexual assault, that is excellent evidence. Even though it's hearsay, it can be used in court to rebut an inference that the accuser made up the story well afterward."

But police never interviewed Boatman, nor did they contact the Portland hotel for possible surveillance footage.

[Janet opposes chakra releasing]

10:30 at night, alias Mr. Stone, wants his chakra released, $540,...
There is no question what was going on.

[matt]

from the Frank Zappa song, "Dirty Love"

'll ignore your cheap aroma
And your little-bo-peep diploma
I'll just put you in a coma
With some dirty love

THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Snap it!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Snap it!)

It gets worse, but we now know exactly what was passing between the sex poodle's synapses as he chased the masseuse around the room.

It also seems that Mr. Climate Change has a slight problem with premature excitement.

[Janet opposes chakra releasing]

Matt, LOL! Zappa's the man today!

[narciso]

Well Hayek made his minister of culture or some such, back in 1990, but he was one strange character

[matt]

Al Gore's dirty love. LUN...heh...

[Extraneus]

It's rare that a Zappa quote isn't relevant.

[Danube of Thought]

From KPTV.com (Portland) just now:

PORTLAND, Ore. -- Portland police have reopened the case regarding sex abuse allegations made in 2006 against former Vice President Al Gore.

Through a statement, Gore denied the allegations Wednesday.

"The Gores cannot comment on every defamatory, misleading and inaccurate story generated by tabloids," said spokeswoman Kalee Kreider in a statement. "Mr. Gore unequivocally and emphatically denied this accusation when he first learned of its existence three years ago. He stands by that denial."

Police did not immediately elaborate on what led them to reopen the case.

[matt]

Tipper dropped a dime on him, I'll bet...he probably has a history....

[Danube of Thought]

I won't rest until his public humiliation is complete. A good start would be for Leno, Letterman and Stewart to begin ridiculing him.

[Porchlight]

I want him to be publicly humiliated, but more importantly I want his carbon trading schemes to be revealed as the fraud that they are. The stakes couldn't be higher and it's possible that it will all come crumbling down.

In the short term, I don't see how Leno and Stewart could resist. Second chakra? Who even needs writers?

Letterman may have to stay away given his own proclivities.

[Captain Hate]

Porch: $750M for a woman who should be in jail for assault and battery makes it a super duper big deal. I am far more worried about having her around the kids. As far as we know neither Tiger or any of the so-called "girlfriends" has a penchant for bodily damage.

Shorter response: I worship Eldrick and anybody that doesn't is evil. I was high on pot when I wrote this so don't expect it to make sense, but at least I wasn't drunk because then I would've written really rotten things about Elin.